Fortunately, our neighbors (who go to the church we were going to check out) so very kindly offered us a ride. UNfortunately, they have a truck with a rather snug cab, which made it entertaining to try to fit four adults and two kids into this "little" thing while rain is pouring down around us. But, we got to church, checked it off of our shopping list, and came back home (verdict to be determined later). And I promptly fell into a funk.
This is the first day that I've really wished I had a car. Not just because of the rain...but because of how I feel. Checking out a new church for some reason made it "click" with me: I have left my church home. While I have generally been doing fairly well with focusing forward and not dwelling too much on who we left behind, today my eyes were firmly fixed on Toledo. It will be difficult to find the oddball mix we had back there, a community that is so deeply caring for one another and that is focused on social justice. A community that is filled with people who are genuinely interested in studying the Bible deeply and learning what G-d has to say, even if those discoveries break open the boxes they had previously put Him (and Christianity) in. A community filled with people who are interested in the Jewish roots of our faith, who celebrate the festivals and say Shema almost daily. While I was sitting in the pew (yes, a pew!) this morning, tears started welling up in my eyes as I realized that I would no longer get to commune with these people on a weekly basis. I started to feel lost without my spiritual anchors.
So today, as ridiculously "first world problems" as it sounds, I wanted a car. Why? Because I feel drained, and tired, and sad...and I just don't feel like putting forth the effort to ride my bike anywhere. It's kinda chilly here today, and it's supposed to rain some more...and I want whatever superficial form of comfort I can find...in this case, a Starbucks Peppermint Mocha. I want to be able to just drive over there, pick one up, and come home and cry softly into it. Why this particular beverage? Because that's what I would grab on chilly, rainy days while studying or hanging out with friends. Because it's warm (and delicious). Because I want some sort of representation of normalcy in an apartment that still doesn't quite feel like home. Because there are Starbucks stores everywhere, and visiting one could mean I'm anywhere...even back in Toledo.
I know that this post is a bit "off topic," but I promised to share the highs and the lows...and this is a low. Today I'm feeling sad, and I wish I had a car.